The Zombie
January 24th, 2007
The Zombie
One dark, scary night in a far away land I saw a zombie in the distance with blood coming out of his head. I knew it was a zombie because it had it’s arms in front of his face and was walking slowly in between the gloomy trees with it’s mouth wide open and making weird noises. I thought it would chase me so I ran it would not stop chasing me. So I shot him in the eye three times and in the head two times for chasing me. Then I ran away as fast as my legs could carry me and I was looking in the distance then I saw a haunted house. I knew it was haunted because it had lots of fog and was all slimy and had smashed windows. You could say it was wrecked but we heard singing inside.
We went in to have a look inside. It was a fat lady dancing with a small man with a bald head. He had blood running down his arm. It was strange - it was like a novelty picture and it was fascinating you could say it was on television.
I ran and said I have to tell the whole world about this and then Rikki said no we can’t or they will all come and give us in to trouble.
I replied, “ No they won’t.”
Rikki told me to shut up.
The next day Rikki and I went out fishing and we saw Liam Adamson.
We said, “Do you want to come fishing with us?”
He said, “Why not? It sounds fun”.
We tried to catch the biggest fish in the world -the great white shark.
“How are we going to do that?” asked Liam.
“By shooting it in the backside,” said James.
The great white shark came swimming towards us so I took out my gun and then shot it in the mouth. Then it just floated up above the water and I caught it in a rusty old net. Then I took it back to my house and left it lying in my back yard.
A lot of seagulls came swooping down and ate all the sharks tail.
After all our adventures we slept for a very long time.
by Rikki and James
Entry Filed under: Kittybrewster
16 Comments Add your own
1. Amanda and Courtney | January 25th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
We really liked the fact that you used lots of adjectives and also the fact that you described the zombie well, also that it was really funny.
What you could maybe try doing next time though is by instead of putting in three different stories in one try to just stick to the same story.What you could also do for next time is not put too much detaill in cause it sort of gets a bit jumbled up.
By Amanda and Courtney
2. Cormac | January 25th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
I really enjoyed reading this story, it was good how you used alot of adjectives and it was funny too. The funniest part in the story was when you said to shoot the shark in the back-side!
Some of it was a little all over the place and did not make sense. Also the title did not tell you much about the story but over all the story was good.
3. Lucy and Jade | January 25th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
It was brilliantly funny but some improvments can be made but only a few!Like what did you shot the zombie with a gun? what type of gun or an arrow? By Jade
I think you did really well.It was funny but it got a bit confusing. By Lucy
4. Rowena and Samantha | January 25th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
I think that the story has a lot of good adjectives. Also the story was really funny! It might have been a better story if you had made three differnet stories instead of one because if you had wrote the Zombie story by itself you could have added lots more things! By Sam.
This story has the likeability factor. It has alot of good describing words and funny parts. Even though the title wasnt really linked with the story it was still really good! By Rowena.
5. Andrew | January 25th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
The zombie is very good but it is a bit confusing because there is three story in the zombie.The best bit was when you got chased from the zombie.You had good discription.
6. Christian & Connor | January 25th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
It was a very good story and I liked the bit about the zombie getting shot in the head.I liked the part with the shark getting shot in the backside!!!
GOOD WORK
7. Demi and Neringa | January 25th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
We really enjoyed reading your story you had alot of really good Adjectives.We could not stop reading it,it was so interesting.It was really funny and scary.The title wasn’t very good but the story is still good.I liked the bit where you said well we will just shoot him in the backside. You could of putted some more interesting words in the story.You done a great effort on the piece of writing and we really enjoyed reading it.By Demi and Neringa xx
8. alessamdro | January 25th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I really like the story. But the wierd thing is nothing happens with the mansion and they only saw a fat lady and they go fishing at
the end. It would be better if they were locked inside the mansion with the zombie.
9. Liam and Renat | January 25th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I really like the” Zombie” story but it was not really about the Zombie because the Zombie was taking only 1/3rd of the story. I really like the bit where the Zombie gets shot in the head.
10. Leanne and Amanda | January 25th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
i think that your story was really funny the shark bit was cool.from leanne !!!!!!
I think your story was funny too, i love the bit when you said
shot the sharks butt. From Amanda !!!!!!
11. Amy Darja | January 25th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
It was funny and good to read. It was jumbled up a bit but it had good adjectives.fa Amy and Darja.
12. Tony+Dylan | January 25th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Well me + Dylan just had a quick scroll through your story. We both thought it was really good. We both would like to say something.
“Me” I think its abit silly because of like the way you said “up its backside” and the title is called the zombie and its got stuff to do with the greatwhite shark but also I thought your story was very good .I like it the way it has lots of adjectives.
“Dylan”I thought it was a bit of a jumble up i thout that it was still good. But miss hampton told us that 1 of you boys never liked writing but since its on the computer and you are getting a lot of commenys thank you for letting us read Tony+Dylan
13. tony .v | January 25th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
its tony agian its good
14. Elma | January 26th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Hi Rikki and James -
Wow, you’ve got heaps of comments! Good to see you’re doing such great writing.
I agree with what a lot of the others have said… like that you’ve got a lot of good description (”lots of fog and was all slimy and had smashed windows” and “like a novelty picture” - those are my favourite bits.) I do think it’s a wee bit jumbled though, and like three stories in one. I agree with the person who said that it might’ve been good to know more about the fat lady and the bald man in the haunted house. Maybe that could be your next story?
15. Aidan v | February 20th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Hi I liked your story especially the zombie bit. It was all gory and blood and guts.
Do you remember me? Aidan.
16. Sambo xx | March 19th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
hey toots i hink ur story is ace cant wait 2 c use l8ter
bye bye x x x x x x
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